A Lesson in Bliss

We were desperate to get out of the house this weekend, and my toddler really needed to burn off some energy. The weather was gorgeous, so we loaded up our daughter and took her to the park – one of her favorite places ever. There was a lot of build-up on the way as we talked about all the fun stuff we were going to do…swing, go down the slide, try out her new kite. (She was really pumped about that.)

I carried her to the middle of a huge field, and my husband was all geared up to teach her how to fly her kite. I put her down, but before we could say a word, she just took off. As I watched her run, I noticed it wasn’t a hyperactive, wild-child, frantic run. It was an “OMG, I can’t believe I have this much space to move my body, and MAN, do I feel so free” kind of run. And as she was running, I swear she actually cried out “Wheeeeeee!”

After a while, we corralled her back to show her the kite. She held the string, her kite wobbling behind her. She walked with it for a few steps, dropped it, and broke out into a run again. We rounded her back up. This pattern repeated a few times before we finally gave up. No kite, no swings, no slide. Just a wide open space and a little body ready to cover some ground. Who were we to harness such pure, unbridled bliss?

That moment is forever captured in my memory, and it reminds me to look for the simple pleasures in life that make me want to cry out: “Wheeeeeee!”

My Coke Habit

My name is Betsy, and I’m a Coke addict.  Well, a Diet Coke addict, to be exact. 

I started using in the ninth grade, and no other soft drink does it for me quite like Diet Coke.  And I’ll take it in any form – bottled, fountain, or from a can.  I’ve gone in to rehab, drinking only water for weeks, even months at a time.  But that bubbly, fizzing, artificially sweetened, ice cold siren lures me back, and off the wagon I go. 

Someone recently told me that Coca-Cola makes a special Diet Coke recipe for McDonald’s.  Well that’s just great.  As if their golden, hot, salty fries weren’t enough to push me over the edge.

Loved ones have performed interventions, sending me studies exposing the links between Diet Coke and weight gain.   (Google “Diet Coke and weight gain” if you’re curious.)  The findings are fascinating and make complete sense.  It looks like this old joke is no longer just a joke:  “Did you know Diet Coke makes you fat?  You only see fat people drinking it!”  Ugh…totally crude, but is there not a grain of truth?  And yet, I keep drinking it.

Soft drinks have become oversized and expensive.  I remember my grandmother treating herself to a small (maybe 8 oz?) glass bottle of Coke every now and then.  Convenience stores now offer anywhere from 12-64 oz.  A 24 oz. bottle goes for $1.59.  Ouch!  And yet, I keep drinking it.

Some dentists call soda “liquid chainsaw”.  Diet Coke is no exception, since they’re referring to the acid, not the sugar, in soft drinks.  And yet, I keep drinking it.

I also find the little red dress emblem on Diet Coke cans totally hypocritical.  Their “The Heart Truth” campaign (promoting women’s heart health) just doesn’t jive with the caffeine content.  It’s kind of like RJ Reynolds offering a tobacco cessation program.  And yet, I keep drinking it.

So, I have a Diet Coke problem.  Isn’t addiction compulsively doing something even when you know the risks?  Please understand that I am not knocking recovery from serious substance abuse.  We all have our cross to bear, and addiction comes in many forms.  Diet Coke is one of mine.  It’s legal and awfully accessible.  I feel healthier, less bloated, and calmer when I either drink it in moderation or not at all.  And I feel terrible when I’m on a bender.  And yet, I keep drinking it.

I propose adding  DCDA to the list (Diet Coke Drinkers Anonymous) to the list of various recovery programs.  Following the example of The Twelve Steps, here are the Six Steps of DCDA:

1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our drink choices had become unmanageable
2. Came to believe that there are healthier and more satisfying alternatives
3. Made a searching and fearless inventory of our refrigerators, lunch boxes, and pantries
4. Admitted to God (although I suspect He already knows), ourselves, and our dentists the exact amount of Diet Coke we drink each day
5. Were entirely ready to limit ourselves to at least a 3:1 ratio of glasses of water to Diet Coke
6. Continued to take inventory and made the conscious decision to promptly cut back when needed.  Or cut it out completely.

Now, who’ll be my Sponsor?

MacGyver vs. Redneck

Richard Dean Anderson starred in the hit TV series “MacGyver” (1985-1992).  He played an easy-going, resourceful secret agent named, well, MacGyver. Along with his wind blown mullet and weather worn bomber jacket, one of MacGyver’s many charms was his ability to get out of the tightest, most dangerous scrapes using everyday materials.  (Think diffusing bombs with Scotch tape, chewing gum, and toothpicks.)  

The name MacGyver became synonymous with crafty resourcefulness.  When someone made something out of nothing, it was very “MacGyver” of them.  For example, instead of buying bed-raisers, I increased the height of my dorm room twin bed by putting it on free, readily available cinderblocks.  At the time, that was very “MacGyver” of me.

Fast forward 25-ish years…  The term “MacGyver” has been replaced with ”redneck”.  I was startled and somewhat disappointed when I realized the de-evolution of labeling the idea of working with what you’ve got. 

If your pepper grinder breaks in the middle of supper, are you really going to jump up and rush to the store for a new one?  Why not just work with what you’ve got?  Our friend certainly did…

 The fuel tank and Chicken Biskit box lend a touch of class, no?

The first words out of my mouth were, you guessed it, ”That is soooo redneck!  It’s a redneck pepper grinder!”  (Of course I said this with the utmost love and admiration for his ingenuity.)

When spontaneous innovation was called “MacGyver”, you automatically knew it was a compliment. Now, if someone were to refer to any part of my life as “redneck”, that would get my dander up a bit.  So maybe it’s what we mean by “redneck” that matters.  In the case of applying a temporary fix, it can be brilliant.  When this fix becomes not-so-temporary, that changes things.  Like putting your old washing machine on your deck to make room for the new one - and never moving it.

MacGyver, redneck, thinking outside the box, whatever you want to call it, is a beautiful thing.  It means we are working with our available resources, often without spending a dime.  (I believe the current trendy catch phrase for this is “repurposing”.) 

For a good DIY laugh, check out the redneck repairs website “There I Fixed It” – http://thereifixedit.failblog.org/

Audiophile

I am a self-proclaimed audiophile.  My very first book on tape, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams (narrated by Stephen Moore) could not have asked for a more appreciative, entertained, or delighted audience than my pre-teen self.  Over time, the cassette labels warped, the sound warbled, and the case was so worn out it barely held together.  And over time my love for, and interest in, audio books has grown deeper and deeper.

Thanks to new-fangled technology such as CDs and internet downloads, the Spoken Word has become more accessible than ever.  I’ve painted my laundry room hallway to Phillipa Gregory’s The Other Queen, cleaned house to the Mrs. Pollifax series by Dorothy Gilman, and traveled many a mile with Hissy Fit by Mary Kay Andrews as my passenger.  Oh, what great company I keep!

But wait, there’s more…  My newest favorite find is the website The Internet Archive .  Besides being an audiophile, I’m also a serious Hollywood’s Golden Age junkie – films, books, radio…you name it.   Imagine my euphoric bliss when I discovered The Internet Archives’ vault of Old Time Radio programs.    I’ve found new-to-me excitement in “Suspense”, a “series frankly dedicated to your horrification and entertainment”.  That show is paydirt with an astonishing cast throughout the series – Alfred Hitchcock, Herbert Marshall, Rosalind Russell, Cary Grant, Lucille Ball, among many others.  This site has it all – action, laughs, romance, thrills and chills.  And best of all – it’s free!

 

So run, don’t walk, to your local library, a rental company, iTunes, or a downloadable website (some charge a fee).  I take out the trash with Alexandar McCall Smith, run errands with Agatha Christie, and file papers at work listening to Fibber McGee and Molly.  Enjoy your life – listen to a good book!

Happy 5th of July!

Many a firework was launched yesterday with a bang, boom, hiss or pop.  What admiring observer hasn’t puncuated the pyrotechnics with an ”ooh“ or “aah“?  Such appreciation is certainly called for, but let’s step up our game, people. 

Here’s a quick tour around the wonderful world of fireworks, brought to us by our fun-loving friends at Dictionary.com.  Keep this guide handy – you’ll be the life of the party next year!

1. chrysanthemum:  A circle of bright lines emanating outwards, with a round mass in the center.

2. comet:  An effect that shoots straight up, leaving a glittery trail behind it before vanishing.

3. peony:  This common, circular explosion produces many trails that change color while they expand.

4. spinner:  Any pyrotechnic event that produces a spiral pattern, often accompanied by a tail.

5. crossette:  A series of small explosions emerging from one larger one, each dividing into 3-5 small clusters.

6. strobe:  A burst that produces a delayed burst of twinkling, star-like designs, often in many colors.

7. glitter:  Any pyrotechnic that produces an extended stream of small, flashing lights, often bursting lower than other fireworks.

8. brocade:  Trails that seem woven together, falling downwards in a winding pattern.

9. willow:  A burst followed by a dense, curving downward motion, typically silver or gold.

10. silver fish:  Any effect that meanders unpredictably from a central burst, slightly resembling spaghetti.

All credit for firework names and definitions goes to Dictionary.com

Wants vs. Needs

Just something to think about.

The New Yorker, Jan. 14, 2008 

Wedding Season

The end of June ushers out the “marriage month”, a perfect time to reflect on the world of weddings.  While my own wedding was so beautiful and special, I remember sweating in my gown on that suffocatingly hot and humid June morning.  As we set record-breaking heat temperatures that day, I wondered who in their right, ever-lovin’ mind picked June as the height of wedding season.  Why not crisp, cool October, or the end of Spring in May?

I am Southern.  I live in the South.  I can’t speak for other parts of the country or the world, but it gets HOT here in June.  And I don’t mean “it’s okay because it’s a dry heat”.  I’m talking about thick, oppressive, “oh my god, I’m walking through split pea soup” hot.  In my opinion, stifling heat + formal wear + heavy make-up + up-do’s just does not add up.

I read that, among other reasons, June was chosen for it’s namesake Juno, the Roman goddess of marriage.  Also worshipped as Hera, the Greek Goddess of Love, this diety was the protector of the bride’s marriage, fertility, and financial security.  Well, that’s comforting.  I started feeling a bit more tolerant of the heat (since it was for such a good cause), until I read on Yahoo! Answers that the month of April used to be favored in the South partly because it was less hot.  What??  Why did that go by the wayside?  When you come upon a great idea, you run with it people!

Alas, convention dictates June as the height of it all, and society usually follows suit.  God bless all the overheated guests, melting grooms, and wilting wedding parties.  So for any June brides to be, just remember Juno’s love for you as you fan your lovely, sweaty self with a program, waiting to hold a chilled champagne flute in your pretty, manicured hand.  

Juno may’ve had a toga to keep her cool, but honey, you’ve got a strapless dress, open-toed shoes, and A/C.